You can be stalked by a current or former partner.

Most victims know the person is stalking them. A

survey of college student stalking victims revealed

that 4 out of 5 knew their stalker.

Physical Abuse

  • Hit, punched, shoved, kicked, slapped or bitten
  • Strangled
  • Locked out of home
  • Denied help when ill
  • Injured while pregnant
  • Weapon used against you or objects thrown at you
  • Abandoned in a dangerous situation.

Any intentional and unwanted contact with you or something close to your body

Stalkers rarely just stop. Often stalking behaviors

escalate and can become violent. Seek

assistance to help you deal with a stalking situation

or if you feel afraid.

Domestic Abuse Intervention Project

202 East Superior Street
Duluth, Minnesota 55802
218-722-2781
www.duluth-model.org

Contrary to what many believe, domestic violence is not just about physical violence. It can also include sexual abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, and stalking. Basically, domestic violence offenders always feel the need to be in control of their victims. The less in control an offender feels, the more they want to hurt others.

                 Myth                                  vs.                           Fact

1. Only women can be victims of Domestic Violence  



   

2. Domestic Violence only happens to poor families



3. Battering is caused by alcohol and drug abuse                                                                                                         

  • Intimidation:
    Raising a hand or using looks, actions, or gestures to create fear. Destroying property and abusing pets. Mistreating service animals. Displaying weapons.

  • Emotional Abuse:
    Putting her down, making her feel bad about herself, calling her names, making her think she's crazy, playing mind games, humiliating her, making her feel guilty.

  • Isolation:
    Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, where she goes, limiting her outside involvement, using jealousy to justify actions

  • Minimizing, Denying and Blaming:
    Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously, saying the abuse didn't happen, shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying she caused it.

Verbal abuse creates Emotional pain and mental anguish. It

is characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

For more information on the Power and Control wheel visit the



1. Domestic Violence can happen to anyone, regardless of race, gender, ethnicity and sexual orientation. Both men and women can be victims.



2. Domestic Violence occurs at all levels of society, regardless of their social, economic, racial or cultural backgrounds.



3. Studies have shown that the cause of intimate partner violence isn't due to alcohol or drug abuse. If there is already violence happening in the relationship, the use of alcohol and drugs can increase the aggression through its effects on your cognitive function. Substance abuse itself does not cause violent or abusive behaviors.

Verbal or Emotional Abuse

  • Mean jokes, criticism, and judgement are constant
  • You feel guilty all the time
  • They refuse to communicate, but when you're apart, they text/call you incessantly
  • They blame their bad moods on you
  • They're so jealous it's scary
  • They try to control your spending
  • They've threatened to hurt themselves or you if you leave them

If you personally confront the stalker, he or she will leave you alone.

When helping a victim try to remember these tips so that you can help the victim navigate their own way to safety.

Digital Abuse

Any type of bullying or harassing behavior that occurs online, through social networking, text messaging, or other technologies. These acts include anything from sending or posting mean or threatening messages about another person to disclosing private information without permission.

Its all about the power and control in an abusive relationship

Stalkers can be dangerous, and confronting a

stalker may put you in danger. 73% of intimate

partner stalkers verbally threatened victims with physical violence, and 46% reported being the

victim of physical violence.

Types of abuse: Physical, Emotional/Verbal, Sexual, Digital & Stalking

  • Using Children:
    Making her feel guilty about the children, using the children to relay messages. Using visitation to harass her, threatening to take the children away.

  • Using Male Privilege:
    Treating her like a servant, making all the big decisions, acting like the "master of the castle", being the one to define men's and women's roles.

  • Economic Abuse:
    Preventing her from getting or keeping a job. Making her ask for money, giving her an allowance, taking her money, not letting her know about or have access to family income.

  • Using Coercion and Threats:
    Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her. Threatening to leave her, to commit suicide, to report her to welfare, making her drop charges, making her do illegal things.

So, how do you know how to navigate threw a crisis? How do you know if what your saying or doing is right? Victims are in such a fragile state, you don't want to do or say anything that can potentially make things worse. What you need to understand is victims are the experts in their relationship. They know when its safe to get help or safe to leave. Leaving and abuser is not an event, it's not one simple task of getting up, leaving and never looking back. Its a process, one that is terrifying and a lot of the time life threatening. 

About 4,000 women die each year due to physical abuse. Of the total physical abuse homicides, about 75% of the victims were killed as they attempted to leave the relationship or after the relationship had ended. The most dangerous time for a man or women is when they are leaving an abusive relationship.


You cannot be stalked by the person you are dating.

Helping someone in crisis

If you ignore a stalker he or she will just go away.

  • Believe them - It takes lots of courage to get help when your in a abusive intimate partner relationship. The first person a victim confides in sets the tone for what that victim will do next, so be aware of your body language and tone of voice when helping a victim.
  • Listen - Sometimes victims only tell their story once, this could be their one time.
  • Let them know you are concerned for their safety - This will help the victim see that their situation is unsafe and that you care about their safety.
  • Let them make their own decisions - As an advocate we are here to help victims see their options so they can pave their own way to safety. This can be very empowering in a situation where they haven't had any power at all.
  • Help them recognize the abuse - Sometimes victims grew up in an environment where abuse was common, so for them abusive relationships are normal. Helping them to see its unhealthy can help them recognize that they abuse doesn't have to be their norm.
  • Help them understand it is not their fault - It goes back to the power and control, the abuser has done their part in making the victims feel like the abuse is the victims fault. "If you would have done 'this' i wouldn't have done this", that abuser does a good job on making the victim feel as if their (victim) actions are responsible for the abuser actions. Everyone is responsible for their own actions no matter the circumstances.
  • Respect their right to confidentiality - Don't go telling everyone, unless the person is immediate danger or is going to endanger someone else's life, keep their trust by not telling anyone. Try to convince them to seek help with either the police or your local domestic violence shelter. 
  • Do not be upset if they do not react the way you think they should - So many times we think our reaction in that situation is the only "right" reaction for that situation. It's common for victims to not remember the event in chronological order especially where trauma has occurred.

Why do victims choice to stay? Why don't they just leave?

We often put ourselves in the place of the victims and imagine ourselves leaving at the first signs of abuse. But breaking free of abuse is not simply a matter of walking out the door. Leaving is a process, one that is terrifying and a lot of the time life threatening. Studies show about 4,000 victims die each year due to physical abuse. Of the total physical abuse homicides, about 75% of the victims were killed as they attempted to leave the relationship or after the relationship had ended. The most dangerous time for a victim is when they are leaving an abusive relationship.

Keep in mind, even though this power and control wheel is geared towards women being the victims; men can also be victims too. 1 in 7men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

Sexual Abuse


Any sort of non-consensual sexual contact. Sexual abuse can happen to men or women of any age. Sexual abuse by a partner/intimate can include derogatory name calling, refusal to use contraception, deliberately causing unwanted physical pain during sex, deliberately passing on sexual diseases or infections and using objects, toys, or other items without consent and to cause pain or humiliation.



In the state of Michigan, the age of consent is 16!


Today, we lead digital lives. We use mobiles, social media, email, shop online and much more. So, if someone wants to upset, scare or intimidate us they will use technology to do it. Whether you're social networking, text messaging and even blogging you are not free from digital abuse. The fact that we are all connected through technology means that no matter our age, race and gender; we are all open to digital abuse. Be careful what you put out into the social networking world because no matter how private you think your information is, it will never be private to those who know how to find the back door. Everything we do on the internet leaves digital footprints.

Stalking  is a pattern of behavior that makes you feel afraid, nervous, harassed, or in danger. It is when someone repeatedly contacts you, follows you, sends you things, talks to you when you don't want them to, or threatens you.

Stalking behaviors can include:

  • Knowing your schedule
  • Showing up at places you go
  • Sending mail, e-mail, and pictures
  • Calling or texting repeatedly
  • Contacting you or posting about you
    on social networking sites
    (Facebook, Twitter, etc.)

  • Writing letters
  • Damaging your property
  • Creating a Web site about you
  • Sending gifts
  • Stealing things that belong to you
  • Any other actions to contact, harass, track,
    or frighten you