You cannot be stalked by the person you are dating.

Helping Someone in Crisis

Digital Abuse

Any type of bullying or harassing behavior that occurs online, through social networking, text messaging, or other technologies. These acts include anything from sending or posting mean or threatening messages about another person to disclosing private information without permission.

  • Believe them - It takes lots of courage to get help when you're in a abusive relationship. The first person a victim confides in sets the tone for what that victim will do next. Be aware of body language and tone of voice when helping a victim. 
  • Listen - Sometimes victims only tell their story once.
  • Let them know you are concerned for their safety - This will help the victim see that their situation is unsafe and that you care about their safety.
  • Let them make their own decisions - help victims see their options so they can pave their own way to safety. This can be very empowering in a situation where they haven't had any power at all.
  • Help them recognize the abuse - Victims sometimes grow up in an environment of abusive relationships, for them abusive relationships are normal. Helping them to see its unhealthy can help them recognize that abuse doesn't have to be their norm.
  • Help them understand it is not their fault -  Everyone is responsible for their own actions no matter the circumstances. 
  • Respect their right to confidentiality - Unless the person is in immediate danger respect their right to confidentiality. Try to convince them to seek help with either the police or your local domestic violence shelter. 

Stalkers can be dangerous, and confronting a stalker may put you in danger. 73% of intimate partner stalkers verbally threatened victims with physical violence, and 46% reported being the

victim of physical violence.

Why do victims choose to stay? Why don't they just leave?

1. Only women can be victims of Domestic Violence  

2. Domestic Violence only happens to poor families

3. Battering is caused by alcohol and drug abuse                                                                                                         

  • Intimidation:
    Raising a hand or using looks, actions, or gestures to create fear. Destroying property and abusing pets. Mistreating service animals. Displaying weapons.

  • Emotional Abuse:
    Putting her down, making her feel bad about herself, calling her names, making her think she's crazy, playing mind games, humiliating her, making her feel guilty.

  • Isolation:
    Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, where she goes, limiting her outside involvement, using jealousy to justify actions

  • Minimizing, Denying and Blaming:
    Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously, saying the abuse didn't happen, shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying she caused it.

Sexual Abuse

Any sort of non-consensual sexual contact. Sexual abuse can happen to men or women of any age. Sexual abuse  can include derogatory name calling, refusal to use contraception, deliberately causing unwanted physical pain during sex, deliberately passing on sexual diseases or infections and using objects, toys, or other items without consent and to cause pain or humiliation.

In the state of Michigan, the age of consent is 16 yrs.

Stalkers rarely just stop. Often stalking behaviors escalate and can become violent. Seek assistance to help you deal with a stalking situation or if

you feel afraid.

Domestic Abuse Intervention Project

202 East Superior Street
Duluth, Minnesota 55802

Myths                &                Facts

If you ignore a stalker he or she will just go away.

  Myth                    vs.                  Fact

We often put ourselves in the place of the victims and imagine ourselves leaving at the first signs of abuse. Breaking free of abuse is not simply a matter of walking out the door. Leaving is a process, one that is terrifying and a lot of the time life threatening. Studies show about 4,000 victims die each year due to physical abuse. Of the total physical abuse homicides, about 75% of the victims were killed as they attempted to leave the relationship or after the relationship had ended. The most dangerous time for a victim is when they are leaving an abusive relationship.

Types of abuse: Physical, Emotional/Verbal, Sexual, Digital & Stalking

Verbal or Emotional Abuse

  • Mean jokes, criticism, and judgement are constant
  • You feel guilty all the time
  • They refuse to communicate, but when you're apart, they text/call you excessively 
  • They blame their bad moods on you
  • Excessive jealousy 
  • They try to control your spending
  • They've threatened to hurt themselves or you if you leave them

If you personally confront the stalker, he or she will leave you alone.

Keep in mind, even though this power and control wheel is geared towards women being the victims; men can also be victims too. 1 in 7  men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

 Our services are Free and 100% Confidential

You can be stalked by a current or former partner. Most victims know the person is stalking them. A survey of college student stalking victims revealed that 4 out of 5 knew their stalker.

Stalking is a pattern of behavior that makes you feel afraid, nervous, harassed, or in danger. It is when someone repeatedly contacts you, follows you, sends you things, talks to you when you don't want them to, or threatens you. 

Helpful Information

Verbal abuse creates Emotional pain and mental anguish. It

is characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

1. Domestic Violence can happen to anyone, regardless of race, gender, ethnicity and sexual orientation. Both men and women can be victims.

2. Domestic Violence occurs at all levels of society, regardless of their social, economic, racial or cultural backgrounds.

3. Studies have shown that the cause of intimate partner violence isn't due to alcohol or drug abuse. If there is already violence happening in the relationship, the use of alcohol and drugs can increase the aggression through its effects on your cognitive function. Substance abuse itself does not cause violent or abusive behaviors.

Physical Abuse

  • Hit, punched, shoved, kicked, slapped or bitten
  • Strangled
  • Locked out of home
  • Denied help when ill
  • Injured while pregnant
  • Weapon used against you or objects thrown at you
  • Abandoned in a dangerous situation.

  • Using Children:
    Making her feel guilty about the children, using the children to relay messages. Using visitation to harass her, threatening to take the children away.

  • Using Male Privilege:
    Treating her like a servant, making all the big decisions, acting like the "master of the castle", being the one to define men's and women's roles.

  • Economic Abuse:
    Preventing her from getting or keeping a job. Making her ask for money, giving her an allowance, taking her money, not letting her know about or have access to family income.

  • Using Coercion and Threats:
    Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her. Threatening to leave her, to commit suicide, to report her to welfare, making her drop charges, making her do illegal things.

Stalking behaviors can include:

  • Knowing your schedule
  • Showing up at places you go
  • Sending mail, e-mail, and pictures
  • Calling or texting repeatedly
  • Contacting you or posting about you
    on social networking sites
    (Facebook, Twitter, etc.)

  • Writing letters
  • Damaging your property
  • Creating a Web site about you
  • Sending gifts
  • Stealing things that belong to you
  • Any other actions to contact, harass, track,
    or frighten you